Thursday, September 29, 2005
{ 6:31 AM }
i'm so angry. so angry that i cried. i dont understand. what's wrong with me being scared of insects? what's wrong with me being scared of the sight of blood? i dont understand. i mean..each and every one of us have our own phobia. what's wrong with mine? can you stop critising me? grr..just now a stupid cockroach flew into my house, then my maid was like trying to catch it. after she caught it, she showed it to me, i was like," GO AWAY!!" later that idiot flew out of the tissue. my maid sprayed insecticide onto it of course and it really died this time. she wanted to show me. i was scared and shout" dont want." but she insisted i see it, so i screamed," I SAID I DONT WANT TO SEE IT!!!" and she scrammed. but she kept sying what..i very lousy, then np camp that time i will die and stuffs like that. later when i was bathing, she kept talking about me cooking. those what meat and stuffs. walao..i was like damn angry can? cant stand it. and later she kept talking about the fish's stomach. i cried okies? very frustrated recently. later my mom's turn. haiz..call me go help her take thing. i talk liao, but she say that is not what she wanted, so i went back to take it again. in the end still wrong. she came into my room and search. i was angry. haiz..i dont understand. i mean people have their won strengths and things. we see people as individual. so what's wrong with me?? i'm angry. i'm sad. accept me for what i m, not the way you want me to be. even heroes bleed. even heroes have the right to dream. me? i'm only a little girl struggling to find the mean of life, and the identity of myself. who am i? i dont know. future seems so bleak and vague. i dont know how long can i stand this.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
{ 8:50 PM }
cut hair just now. hahaas..stupid looking larz..look at me NOW. i dont know how to describe myself. ugly. that's the word. yep. went to change new batteries for my calculators. so mice of me rytes? that's the advantage of being my calculator. i take care of you(: yep..enough of rubbish. today we presented our that phantom of the opera project. if was like..a failure? we dont know what we are saying. haiz..then i was damn angry with someone. i guess u may know about that incident. i mean..we copy. yep..but then, it's also our effort. i spent how many hours doing. have you any idea? i didnt sleep because of it you know? i keep doing it over and over again..do you understand? i dont see how you can do it so well. i make sure you do it well yea? if not..i mean..you giving your lil comments are alright, but then again, dont do it like so hurtfully you know? cause we all put in out efforts to bring this thing out, and then, you didnt even start on yours, and here you are criticising us. i really dont understand. grrr..say what," can do it in point form. can save the song in the powerpoint what." i tell you. is you dont know how to watch musical or what? midis are "meaningless" in a musical. the lyrics are the important ones. and by the way, those songs with lyrics with them are copyright and cant be downloaded yea? and i ask you, summary where got in point form de? it is a musical, a long musical lehs, not anything you know? atupid. next time you want to give your comments, think twice. will it hurt the other party's feelings? it did to us. the damage. "no words could describe the agony of our souls" ya larz..hahaaas..too kua1 zhang1 larz.. yep. i very angry only, not sad at all.
Friday, September 23, 2005
{ 7:07 AM }
today went shooting at the toa payoh shooting range. oh men..i was scared dead lorx. at first i was the one not really scared. i even comforted xueli lorx..say the noise wont be very loud, but in the end, i was the one who was like so scared? funny eh? during the wait, we were like still playing games and stuffs, but when i got near to the range, i started to sweat like mad. i heard the shooting sound was so loud can? i suddenly dont feel like shooting again. later we got in. i was no. 9(: then we loaded the bullets and it all just started. "bang. bang bang bang.." i very scared lorx. i was the slowest to fire and the recoil was so bad the i shook a bit. i couldnt take it no more. woo..heng it soon ended. as i was loading and unloading, i was trembling lorx. stupid. even when i shot, i was also trembling. i can feel the bullet coming out from the gun and the fire can be seen. haiz..then the thingy was so hot. n btw, my gun got a tiny winy bit of problem. before the falling in, we went to singpost to eat. we ate KFC. okies..i ate o.r. burger. later went to macs to buy ice-cream. free de. cause that time we went for that talent time, so we won this voucher lorx. and then, i eat until dont know like what like that. drip here drip there, so untidy and dirty. but i dont know why, my ice-cream melt the fastest okies? and i didnt eat it fast enough. heheex..my hands were dirty. when we came home from the shooting, the school was very dark already. very scary. the girls went to change in the 32 classroom block. when we went back through the concourse, the lights which were actully on, were then off. so scared, then they were like taling about the piano suddenly playing. hmpf..scare people. celeste's father came. she fetch me home also. thanks so much celeste. got any activities also her father come fetch her then sun bian fetch me also. woo..thanks.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
{ 5:18 AM }
i vv angry. again..i mean..i'm angry n sad. sad more larz. i cant believe she actuallli saed tt. how cn yixin sae tt? u mean we all r the slacker ones sho u want us to b yr ncos? i mean..i'm not slacky yeas? i'm juz quite n not so a bootlicker yea? i cum everytym. neva usualli full out n stuffs. how cn u sae tt? i vv sad. i mean..i treat u all not tt bad yeas? n this is how u treat sumone who treated u well? u hurt me. i'm NORT a slacker. cant u ppl juz understand how i feel? u dunt noe how tuu empathise wib others? does u sec one think u r enthu? NO. i noe..i'm not in da good books of ncos. i'm not da one usualli showing off..i noe i dunt noe loads of things, but who know all the things when u'r first borned out? i haf the things ppl dunt haf. my qualites r hidden. i dunt haf to let u ppl noe. u beware..if i ever bcum yr nco, i'll make sure i show u guys wat i realli m. hahaas..i'm quite pissed listening to such idiotic remarks on me n my friend. i noe..i'm not tt sociable as u ppl. i noe i noe i noe. okies..it juz isnt fair yea? i mean cn u ppl stop da propeganda? i hate it all. i noe i cant b the way u want me to b. i'm sorrie. i'll live my life da way i want it. cuz IT"S MY LIFE. ONE LIFE, LIVE IT FOR YOURSELF(: n my pimples r not saws .
Saturday, September 17, 2005
{ 9:14 PM }
i vv angry!!! i dunt noe..i guess i'm helpless. i'm all alone. i quarrelled wif my damn mom. she is a wang ba dan yeas? find fault wib me ya noe?? haiz..juz went intuu my rm to get sum thingy n dhen she sae i walk here n dere. idiotic freak! i didnt go swimming in da morning cuz it was like drizzling. ya noe wat she sae? she sae i muz go even if it rains heavily. hate her larz. dhen she sae i muz bath b4 she finish praying. walao..i finding 4 my shorts onli mahz..dhen after a while she stopped praying n cum nag at me. idiot. dhen she watever she sae is correct. i asked her. if watever she sae is correct, dhen i got do wat she sae-bath b4 she finish praying-dhen i muz b oso correct mahz. i vv angry cn? i xplaining to her, dhen she sae i argueing ya noe? crap. i dunt wanna xplain anithing tuu her le larz. grrr....i vowed, if i bcum a parent, i'll LISTEN to wat my kid haf tuu sae first. okies..enoughof complaining. i'm sho sad cn? how cn i ever haf such an aggressive n autocratic cum domineering mom. haiz..i today juz found a vv nice sentence." a dance lesson choreographed by death, inspired by fear, watch by love." sound sho sad but yet nice. read it frm da newspaper. it' the third award for dunt noe wat young writers' award.
Friday, September 16, 2005
{ 6:59 AM }
what a tired day. i went to skul earli in da morning juz for tt dumb chinese ct.it's like sho hard can? wow..i studied ytd, dhen in de end, still go sho mani dunt noe. haiz..i muz well go n practise my piano. dhen after tt i went home n rest. practise my piano. dhen slept for a while. later wake up dhen practise my piano AGAIN. ate lunch later. at abt 1.20 i left house n go to gramency for da xam. wow..vv scary. da xaminer is like sho pro can? take masterclass de worx..invited to take it sumore. n he was the one who created the first left-handed piano. i vv scared. i went in n started playing da scales. my fingers slipped. n i got sho anxious. for contrary motion i heard wrongli cans? F major bcum F minor. haiz..pieces oso got a bit of probie, but i tink i did betta dhen i used to. aurual was like erm..i sang out of tune!! how could i? haiz..nvm. stop crying over spilled milk(: i'm frm le4 tian2 pai4 one mahz..muz b optimistic yeas? later RUSHED to skul for np. dhen came to da 1 LY class rm. quicklli changed n stuff. saw them having musters, sho i hid at a corner, when i finalli decided to go by da canteen, they were released for break. wee..nxt wed is out practise shooting. friday too..but friday ish a bit late, n maeb we'll b hafing our oral on fri too. 5 o'clock dhen start tt thingy u noe? hahaas..nvm. activity was like stupid. do sho mani drills. we did da rifle drills. fun. i vv pissed wif jun hong u noe? stupid. he was like asking.."those ppl who didnt gif me da names last week raise up yr hands." sho i raised larz. he wrote all the boiis name, dhen didnt wryte mine. grrr...dhen he made us march into a puddle of water ya noe? sho idiotic. he dunt noe wat is dengue awareness arh? dirty water still let us march in? crazy. dhen we kena pump a lot of time. haiz..for nth pump us. we were like later for onli a few mins dhen pump 20 liaoz. i tink we'r later for abt 1.15min onli. during PT da floor was hot.make me pump until..was like re4 guo2 shang4 de4 ma2 yi3. woow...runling vv cute. n funi. hahas..now nid to start practising my guzheng le..muz jiayous. gambate(: monday is da cca leaders investiture. hahas..i juz lurve in manx. ccas...heheex..
Thursday, September 15, 2005
{ 8:02 AM }
tml is my real piano xam le..i vv scared. i dunt tink i'm ever prepared lorx..haiz..distinction cant get le. n tml still haf chinese ct. crazy. i tml going baq tu skul juz tu take tt damn chinese test n dhen return home lorx. 2 o'clock muz reach gramency. aft da xam, i'll go baq tu skul for NP. c? i'm da enthu one yea? i go baq juz tuu attend tt activity yea? dhunt condamn me yea? okies..tudae da lesson was like okies larz..i kena scolded by lao huang ya noe? me n si min was like idscussing da topic she was tokkin mahz..dhen she call us dunt tok. stupid. i vv embarrassed leh..heheex...jkjk. i'm angry wib her. biased. grrr...after skul, i didnt go home ryte away. cuz my maid hear tt i'll finish skul at 2.30, which is wrong. dhen i went library tuu study for tml's chinese. waited for sho long cans? okies..came home n wanted tuu photocopy my piano pieces sho tt tml dhunt nid sho rush. i was a bit fustrated. tml oso cn wat..go my skul dere n do it larz. crazy. i vv scared. i'm gonna die tml. chinese test. piano xam. haiz..sure die de larz. god..pls bless me.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
{ 5:41 AM }
yay~ tuday went to bedok NPC for dunt noe wat theory for shooting. like shooting lesson like tt. tuday's lesson was like normal normal like tt..not bored, not vv fun. but i lurve music lesson. vv nicee..we watched videos of sounds tt r played using da everyday thingys like pail, fork n spoon n stuffs. vv nicee. dhen we were like discussing if we shuld do xue lang hu, or phantom of de opera for tt proj. i lurve phantom of de opera man..dhen bi ran sae cn sun bian go watch it man..heheex..scissors paper stone AGAIN. first is for da grp no. but in de end, we'r still no. 1. haiz..no use. during home econ, tt lesson was like sho boring can? mrs yeo gaf tok. abt nutrition. haiz..bored. aft tt we discussed wat we wanna do lorx..but i didnt larz..i onli tok tok tok. lala~ after tt lesson, i went baq tu class n tok my pe t-shirt tu change lor..went tuu bedok NPC as i've saed earlier. erm..bored larz. onli da theory part. heng..i vv scared. when i was holding da revovler, i was trembling cans? i dunt wanna shoot le larz..n i scraed i dunt noe how tu load n unload da bullets. i vv scared. if i dunt noe, i cant shoot on nxt fri. how? my position all wrong. i kip pointing da gun at ppl. haiz..aft da session, went home taking da same bus as xueli n pam. bus 14. was a bit crowded. we alighted at tajongru dere n wok tu broadrick dere tuu take bus. i n pam tok bus frm broadrick tt side, dhen xueli had tu cross da road. vv fun dae. tokked a lot on da bus. vv lame. friday gonna learn rifle drills. i dunt want. grrr..i stil got piano exams. haiz..count down timer: 2 days. pls ppl. i nid truckloads of good luck. gif me sum. wish me all da best(:
Saturday, September 10, 2005
{ 6:56 AM }
weets weets. ytd had a great tym out manx...earli in da morning quarrelled wib my mom. cuz i nid to go for da piano practice wat.. but it's at 11.30. we woke up at 9. sho she saed it was like too rush, sho scolded me lorx..we reached tt place early though. went for a cup of milo. dwn dere, we quarrelled AGAIN. haiz..cuz of science lorx. i saed i'm nt taking bio. dhen if i'm nt taking bio of course i wont learn in depth of the human body yeas? she stupid mahz..we quarrelled until she didnt wanna go wib me to tt gramency da studio. sho we sat dere. dhen i had to sae sorrie lorx..although it's not my fault!! okies. went dere late. ms chan called my house twice. she tot we didnt noe da place. heheex..how cn i nt noe?? okies..sat dwn to play my pieces. mom dunt nid tuu cum in. yippee!! first tym she didnt nid tuu cum in n listen me play(: my pieces were quite ok..at least tu me. my scales were like..erm..horrible! i dunt noe.i kip sliding. i got practise de ok?? but i juz cant rmb da melodic minor da ley signatures and accidentals..grrr..this is driving me crazy. i found out a gd news. da tester is a male. yay~according to my xperience, male testers r more linent. my previous xaminer was a female. da onli female i had. n guess wat? she bareli passed me. haiz..it's my worst grades i tink. a female..grrr..i hope he's linent n kind though..later went home. went tuu suntec to watch movies wib nur n ee. wee..nice one. we watched the red eye. hahaas..xciting. we ate at anderson ice-cream b4 the movies. i ate a piece of orea cheese n a cup of milk. nicee..but vv filling, n nt to mention, x. we were almost late for it. went into da cinema. not a lot of ppl. a few onli. quite boring in da being..but later was damn scary cans? thriller. at one part, da gal called lisa was like finding for da killer. da phone rang, n she picked it up. da operator frm da police station asked her tu close da door mahx..dhen she was like wanting to close it, but suddenli, da killer poped up frm bhind da door.."ahhhhh!!!" everyone screamed. da few kids behind us screamed da loudest. n later we all luffed cuz vv furni..everyone all scream mahx..da movie vv short. onli abt an hr plus..i wanna go watch "kinokio" nxt fri. wed going shooting. i vv xcited(: countdown timer: 6 days more to my piano xams. pls..wish me all da best. i nid loads of gd luck(:
Thursday, September 08, 2005
{ 5:32 AM }
just came baq from marine parade. early in da morning went out. went tuu eat lunch outside. dhen i wanted tuu go library. after tt we went library. i didnt borrow ani books cuz i alreadi haf one at home. sho i waited for nur to borrow lo..after tt we went parkway. shopped. mom da hp got a bit of problem, sho went tu nokia. woo..da nokia 6230i vv nicee cans? i want...but it's kinda x..sho nvm. later walked around. guess who i met outside cold storage? i met si min. heheex..we walk walk walk. i a bit angry..cuz everyone got to go where dhey wanna go- mom to marks n spencers, nur to top 20, dhen i wanna go isetan to buy earrings mahz..dhey dunt let me go cans? at last mom let me go, but i dunt wan. i was angry...grr..nvm..we went to buy chicken wings as we went home. once i reached home, i played da piano. hahaas..tml hav practice at da studio. i vv scared..everytym i got practice at studio sure kena scolding frm mom de..lord..i pray tt nth will happen to me tml. yay~tml i going movies..i wanna watch a movie called.."hinokio". i want..nvm..later wait till it realli cum out dhen i got watch..cuz now onli sneak previews. i borrowed " phantom of the opera" tuday..wonder if it's nice not. countdown timer: 8 days more tuu piano xams. i vv scared. dunt worrie..tml will die liaoz..wish me all da best ppl..
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
{ 4:21 PM }
woo..tudae earli in da morning kena scolding le..haiz..cuz i forgot tt my tutor cuming mahz..dhen i woke up so damn late okies..when i was eating breakfast tt tym, i suddenli rmb tt i'm suppose tuu haf chi tution tudae! i looked at da time. it's 10.10 le..cant change da tym cuz my teacher takes 1 hr tuu travel here, by 10 she shud haf left her house le..so i REMINDED my mom. i'm suppose tuu pay her tuday oso. my mom saed my aunt havent gif her da money tuu pay yet. n yet, now she's cuming. i kena scolding. n btw, it's not my fault yea? okies lorx..i borrowed frm moii maid(: hahaas..tution was bored. spelling. i didnt learn larz..no..i got..a bit;) aft tution, i still got scolding for being irresposible. i forgot abt it myself lorx..but i told her liaoz mahz..nvm. i smsed my aunt. dhen a while later she gif le. yay~ the scolding stopped! heheex..now i dwnloading games. hhaas..c wat games nicee lorx..i want da sims. i want..but..cant. hahaas..nvm larz. i practised my piano. hands was like sho tired cuz my pieces nid tuu stretch n stretch a lot. sho my hands are dead beat. hahaas..piano xams cuming le..i muz jia yous. countdown timer: 9 dae. 9 daes more tuu doom.
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
{ 5:23 AM }
tuuday is such a busy day!! earli in da morning went wib mom tuu go n like see doctor. haiz..at chinatown..yep..the place where maria alwaes goes..okies..dhen later mom went for job interview. mii n nur sat at banquet n waited for her. after abt an hr later, she returned. we walked dwn tuu yu hua dere n walk walk. after which we went OG. actualli i wanted tuu buy earrings. but dhen mom dhunt allow. haiz..but later when she allow, i dunt wanna buy le. hahaas..mom bought hell lots of things. a pair of shoes n a bag. i didnt buy anithing): haiz..nvm. tml going tuu pp. no..actuali going tuu marine parade library, dhen go pp. i'm hafing my trial xam on fridae. i vv scared. i dunt tink i cn pass de..nxt week is my piano xam le..muz pray for me yea?? hahaas..wish me all da best(:
Saturday, September 03, 2005
{ 6:43 AM }
i vv sianz..ya noe wat? my life is in its turning point liaoz..my tution teacher changing, my guzheng teacher changing. walao eh..y muz change..i vv scared i cant communicate well wib the new ppl. cuz i'll b shy n dunt dare tuu tok tuu ppl i dunt realli noe yet. i'll take a long tym de ya noe?? grr..nvm(: i'm gonna smile. smile my way off..i dunt noe..how tuu face life. haiya..tml haf tuu go temple tuu pray..sho mani ppl de lorx..dhen later sit until my leg cramp de..haiz..hope early in da morning no body lorx..pray pray pray..i vv sianz..i've decided..tuu study hrd le..i wanna get intu 8lit le. muz jia you!! cheong arh..
Friday, September 02, 2005
{ 7:53 AM }
my life is coming to an end..i can see no light. i dont know why..my future seems so bleak n vague. i dunt noe wat it'll be like. my dreams and hopes are broken. i'm lost in the darkness of life. all i could do was sit there and cry. i had nobody. i'm all alone. childhood seemed like death years. i can no longer see the innocence in things. totally devastated. no hope, shattered dreams. life failed me. you may think i had no worries, but you are totally wrong. i worry day and night, for the many things adult too worry about. every night i weep in silent tears. nothing gold can stay. i remember the days of luxury, now no longer it'll be. i saw no way for me to escape. my life's candle will soon be to exhausted to continue burning. i know nobody cares. stop pretending. i dont want people to pretend like they cared about me. i want true feelings, not sympathy. go away..i need you no more. leave me alone to die. so far, my only solution is..death. i'm too tired to carry on this meaningless life. it's totally meaningless..i just know it.
okies..today had ct. it's science. walao eh..guess wat? i studied so hard for it, n later i found out that i didnt do one 4 marks question, which is like so easy de cans? i vv angry with myself. i mean..why didnt they go bold it? haiz..this time die liaos larz..4 marks lehs..haiz..cant get an A liaoz. i had bad mood for the whole day. during lesson, si min n yiting were like stripping all the princes n princesses off their titles. haiz..i still remain as prince larz, but they sent me to another country to train myself. i mean..it makes no difference being kicked out lorx. haiz..nvm. later haf np. we haf campcraft tuday. yay~i simple love campcraft, dhen during campcraft we were like crapping away. aft tt we had a while of rt. heheex..nice day, no drills. aft which we had pt. haiz..did a lot of pumpings. it was so idiotic. i mean it's not tt tuff, but it's idiotic. luckily no running due to the bad weather. i liked tuday's activity. so slack. sho nice. i wanna b in da campcraft team..i want..but i dunt tink sho bahz..tuday early dismissal. 6.00 dhen cn go home liaoz..me n xueli were like tokking away..dhen a vv attitude sir showed sum attitude face larz..haiz..sho tired. wanna die liaoz..i found out many things. i found out life isnt nice at all. there aint innocence in anything left for us people to presserve. it cn sum tym b distrous. i pray for things to get betta. for my mom to dunt nid tuu worrie for IT.
